I’m sure you’ve heard many men or women complain about their relationship saying “(S)he’s changed.” or ” (S)he wasn’t like this before.” or ” (S)he used to be so nice”. I’ve heard it several times and its caused me to wonder why that happens.

So why does someone who’s all kind and tender and gentle to a woman transform into an uncaring, critical husband/boyfriend?

Is it because his wife/girl also changed and so he didn’t enjoy her company anymore?

Is it that he is one of those people for whom the grass is always greener on the other side. So once he’s gotten a woman to commit to him, he turns his attentions to another woman?

Is it cause he’s been brought up to believe that it is not proper for a man to be show affection in his home?

Is it because he’s actually not changed, but his wife’s expectations of him have?

Your comments are hereby requested.

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6 thoughts on “Expectations

  1. Funny this should come up now. I listened to a radio program last week and this was the topic. “How can you love someone or say you love someone but still have something else going on, on the outside. Especially married people.”
    Some people called in and said they cannot just help it, some said it started as just a friendship and before things could be figured out, they were having sex. and the regular answers of; the men don’t complement anymore. He doesn’t notice when she tries to keep up her game (beauty & fashion wise), he does not listen.. etc etc..
    These are all real life reasons but personally, I do not think I have an answer to your questions because I ask the same questions and still have not gotten an answer.

    About “Is it because his wife/girl also changed and so he didn’t enjoy her company anymore?”
    In this situation, I think or I like to believe that familiarity does this. It like “ok I have met this girl, we belong to each other and I know (s)he is not going anywhere so we tend to relax on our oars and believe that all the work is done. The funny things about it is that women want to always hear. if you do more of speaking and less doing (note: you must show.. absence of it is not acceptable) you score! If you do more showing and less speaking, you score! (after all actions speak louder than words). So its not necessarily that one party has changed.
    and I think this is a good question for the guys as well. Please tell us what really happens after the chase & acquisition?:)

  2. I think it also depends on the basic factor on which the relationship started, as in what brought the two people together. Everyone should try and find out why they got attracted to their partners. When you ask your partner “why did you get attracted to me?”, they might give you all those lovey-dovey cos I love you, we were just meant to be … bla bla bla, but I think behind all that there is a particular genuine reason. Could be becos the girl/guy just dey be(handsome/pretty) or whatever.

    So if you know what made you two get attached, you can tell when the “glue” is wearing off. If the “glue” is not a very good one, you are meant to get separated. Its just a matter of time.

  3. Interesting analogy there!
    But 4 me its a personal tin…was listenin up on the radio last nite and the presenter of a show was like…today’s topic is “How do you know when your partner is cheating on you?” And i was like not again….co-incidentally, a gurl by me said the same!
    I mean…this questions can only be answered, if we truly know the basis of our relationship…like Eyram said.
    Com on…to me ….its a personal thing….if i can’t have a chat wif you on any topic at all then…hw can we b 2geda?
    So i fink…communication (be it talking the walk or walking the walk) plays a lot more role of sustaining a relationship than we can think of

  4. Living in a marriage counselor’s house gives me first hand experience of what you talking about. I see the occasional couples who come in screaming the same “what happened to you?” questions at each other. I’ve come to believe, with influence from this counselor of course, that the reason this happens to the best of couples is because of entropy. Check out the meaning of that word. It means “inevitable degradation” of anything actually. We age, a room gets messy with time, rust happens on shiny metal, a relationship changes and goes sour.

    So why does someone who’s all kind and tender and gentle to a woman transform into an uncaring, critical husband/boyfriend? It doesn’t happen over-night. It’s a gradual process towards entropy. It’s almost meant to happen but like every other good thing, a relationship needs to be WORKED ON, PRUNED or WATERED with open conversation, compliments, just-the-two-of-you getaways and holidays together, the occasional all-encompassing 2hr sex(for the married only)!!, giving each other the reallll most or all of the time and be totally unselfish about it. We know some of these things.

    Unfortunately, most of us are more hardworking when we’ll be paid for it. We’re lazy and take each other for granted. Do you still say “I appreciate our friendship” to your good friends or “i value our friendship” and “thanks for helping me or listening to me today”. It’s hard to keep doing that innit but everyone needs it nonetheless. I think John Mayer alluded to most of what i’ve said in this post http://bit.ly/dg6BqL if you can 🙂

  5. I could go on for days about what i reckon happens after the chase and acquisition.

    Personally, I do not believe i have any issues with commitment. What I do have a problem with though; is ‘Labels’. Young ladies in Ghana for eg.; just love to label relationships. They are always in a hurry to find-out what the guys intentions are.

    I guess it never occurs to them that, the guy may genuinely not know for sure, what they feel for the lady perhaps until later.

    They are oblivious to the fact that, the guy may be attracted to their personality. They refuse to believe that, perhaps the guy is looking to steady the lady first in-order to be able to decide whether they are compatible or not.

    Next thing you know you are being introduced to Mum and Dad, as “a special friend”. Usually they’ll tell you that’s the only way you’d be allowed to visit. Next thing you know, you are in a fix. Then after the guy has gotten to know the lady better, he might realise that he’s either not happy, or they are not compatible.

    Most ladies in my opinion, know how to get a man, but are clueless as to how to keep him. This is true vice-versa. My two cents people…

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